in awe.

Wow, just wow.. I really don't know what to say.

God never fails to amaze me with how He works..really, He doesn't.

Something that's really continued to become more and more alive to me (and even more today) is just how God would always find that special, meaningful way to encourage someone, just when they need it most. It's like how He gave Abraham an encouragement in Genesis 13 by reassuring Him of His promises to bless him and his descendants after Lot took all the good side of the land..except unique.

Y'know, after an extremely wonderful yet tiring week of anniversary (partially coz I fell sick just before it), after my mind was just filled with work after work, and all sorts of random things, I found such delight in keeping the Lord's promises with me.

One I kept in particular was one that Pastor Charlie mentioned - Isaiah 41:10 -> "Fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes I will give you help. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.". I also applied Psalm 27:13 by believing in that I would see the goodness of the Lord, and doing my best not to lose heart.

And really, God's Word can bless one's life so much. Y'know, even though I was coughing and couldnt talk properly just a day or two before anniversary, I could sing all the songs + lead in worship fine. I almost lost my voice, and was still able to sing 'Undivided', doing my best to reach the high A. I also managed to wash dishes until midnight on anniversary, and wash for over 2hours on sunday, and still find strength to make my day. My heart just praises the Lord.

but that wasn't it. Today, I was really discouraged because I was supposed to have a group meeting for an oral presentation next monday (today was the only day we got to do this, it was pretty much 1 shot or none) and only 1 out of my 3 group members showed up. This was the second time that happened..and I was just so discouraged thinking to myself, 'can I really do this?'.. I was quite discouraged all the night through.

Coming home after a dinner with my mum though, I decided to check the mail, and behold I got a letter from Curtin! So i'm thinking...okay, can't be anything special. But I opened it up, expecting some bill or something, but no! It was a letter of commendation from the Engineering Foundation Year Co-ordinator. It basically said that during the discussion board, they had noted that I did well in Semester 1, 2010 it was just a letter of acknowledgement and of warm wishes to do well in the years to come!

Really, I couldve almost broken down in tears of joy. The Lord had given me this tiny letter of encouragement just when my heart was about to break down in discouragement. I don't know what to say, or how to express what I feel. all I can say is that I'm just in such great awe, I don't know what to do.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ Who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing that is in Christ!" - Eph 1:3.

Truly God is loving. Truly God is merciful. Truly God is gracious, and His paths drip with abundance.

Amen.

Well, today was the end of family camp 2010.

It was, quite an interesting camp I must say. Both in a good, and 'could've been better' way.

Well, I'm grateful that I'm able to clear up a few misconceptions during this camp, and overcome some of my own doubts and troubles.

For me, it was firstly that idea of cleansing being two parts. The first being a complete, full (louo) cleansing where we are declared righteous by God, and a partial, (nipto) cleansing which in John 13 was a cleansing of the feet. To be honest, often when I fall and sin I have developed a bad habit of always dwelling on that fault (which is very bad, and self-discouraging), mainly because I think that I need to always seek full cleansing, which means that I always need to be re-justified by God and whatever whatever which causes me to feel so far from God.

But when Pastor Charlie mentioned this, it became so much clearer to me that when I sin and stumble, it's just a partial, nipto cleansing of the feet that I need, not a total re-justification from God. I only need my feet to be washed from walking dirtily in the ways of the world, because the rest of my body is clean, because Christ has justified me and cleansed me the moment I chose to believe in Him. No longer do I need to feel so guilty and far away from God when I stumble, because I can know that when I seek cleansing now, it is not a total re-justification and restarting of a relationship with God that I need, but only a partial cleansing of the feet because I AM lovingly justified by God through Christ!

This understanding is so vital to me!

And wow, a man after God's own heart. A man of destiny. A man who lives life above himself. A man who makes, and is a part of history. A man loyal, loving, and dynamically and intimately relating to God. A man with such HIGH regard for God. A humble man. A man of prudent and wise speech. A man of wonderful prayer life. A man of ENORMOUS love for the Lord. A man who serves the Lord, wholeheartedly, willingly, lovingly. A man of valor (not afraid of troubles and hardship because he knows the Lord is there in the midst of it all) . A man of sincerity, purity and uprightness in heart. A man truly loved by the Lord, and chosen to do His mighty and wonderful works. Yet still, does not need to be a man of perfection. THIS is the kind of man the Lord looks for, and the man I truly want to be.

Now the challenge is to prove how much I want it, and to be daring to cultivate this heart, not being afraid of trials, challenges and setbacks.

My challenges:

1. Determine to love the Lord with my whole heart, soul, strength and mind, letting Him be real to me each and every day of my life. "I WILL love you O Lord my strength."
   
2. Cultivate an intimacy with the Lord and His Word through prayer and expanding of knowledge.
   
3. Determine to serve the Lord wholeheartedly, willingly, with A HEART OF LOVE
4. To be that man which the Lord Himself searches for and delights in; a man after God's own heart.
   

Dear God,

Thank you for your provision of people like Pastor Chris and fellow brethren who would support me and encourage me and share their concern for me like that which was easily evident yesterday/last night. I thank you that you would show your love to me through people like them, and may I always be reminded that I am not running this race alone, even as I seek to relate more to these people, and also as I seek to persevere through the trials and temptations of life (:

May you also teach me to live the life of an overcomer with joy :D

Thank You!

Amen :D

haha cleared out half my shed today....was interesting to find all these things.

I really thought everything in there was just all these scraps we'd been keeping for years, but it was interesting to find all these things...things which bring me down memory lane.

1) My toys
2) My beloved, and most remembered letter from "Santa!" (..yeah, it was actually from my sister, I even found the writing pad she used to write the letter today too)
3) About 10 Christmas cards from my primary school friends. (Was so sad to know there was actually someone I didn't know, some I wasn't in contact with for a million years, and some I'm no longer close with because we've all gone our different ways)

and all these other things!

It really does takes reminiscing and remembering the past to remind us of just how abundantly the Lord has provided and kept us hey. In that year I received that "santa" letter, I remember I got this awesome scooter, a digimon tamagotchi like thing, and so much other stuff which I as a kid wanted soo much! And these things weren't cheap okay, the scooter would've costed probably $50-100, the digimon alone about $20-30, and all the other stuff so much more. Yet at a time when my family was very poor ($3 happy meals were too expensive for us - I'd always cry and cry because I could barely ever get one no matter how much I wanted it) my parents and sisters would sacrifice their money to make Christmas special for me...even though they knew that some imaginary person would end up getting the credit instead.

And so again, I thank God for such family.

Oh, and I don't know why...I think really because I just missed this whole family thing so much, I got my dad to say grace for dinner. It was so fun and interesting, because ever since we were young, we never really ate ANY of our meals together as a family (we'd just eat by ourselves whenever we were hungry), so we'd always say grace by ourselves, and it carried on as a habit even when we did eat with other people. So...I thought it'd be nice to just be able to spend a time of prayer with my dad for once, even if it is just saying grace!

I was just like
"Hey dad, you pray for the food later okay?"
" Huh, why does the food need to be prayed for?"
"I meant just say grace >_>"
"You're gonna pray?"
"You pray lahh"
"I cannot pray..."
"Yeah you can, just say it in indo if you have to"

So before dinner he prayed "Dear Jesus, thank you for this wonderful food you have given us, may you bless it to our body and our mind. Thank you" and had a little chuckle. haha. funny :p

Ahh well we shall see hopefully we can cultivate this someday (:

"my hands can only do so much, it never seems to be enough, and my voice can only lift you so far".
God knows this, yet He still gives me chance after chance. He gives me privilege after privilege to serve Him. Who am I that I am to have such honor in serving? Who am I that He would call me like this? Who am I that He would care and choose me, adopt me as son, forgive me, bless me, and call me to be the praise of His glory? No one. Yet out of His goodness and faithfulness He still does it for me. So overwhelmingly humbling.

But it is times like these when I have been given the opportunity to serve (yes, serving is an opportunity; because it does not become anything more than that unless you take it) that I must learn to seek the Lord even more. "There is no glory in my own wisdom. There is no power in my own strength. There is no might in my own riches...".

And not only do I thank God for the opportunity to serve, I thank Him that He would be with me as I carry out His work! Thankfully the CNY Reunion lunch was a success yesterday, the games, the food, the fellowship, everything! It was such an uplift to the soul to be able to be part of organizing something like that, and see it go into success! I'm really learning to appreciate more and more what it means to serve together hey, especially with the committee...when you can learn to grow together, serve together, trust each other, depend on each other...its so wonderful! I thank God for them too!

It's really applicable isn't it when Mish and Steph talked about blessings yesterday? Because indeed, when you take the time to look back, you really DO learn to appreciate, and in most cases be overwhelmed at just how much each of us are blessed. Why should we always covet, and be greedy for more, rather than being content with what we already have?

I like what Paul says in Phillipians 4 - he learnt to be content in any situation, whatever it may be; whether hungry, well fed, living in plenty or in want. Rather than living in greed and want, taking things even as simple as food, support from family and friends, a church, a community of faith, a nice house and comfy bed to live and even more all for granted, could we also learn to practice being appreciative of what we have, and have been given, and be content instead? Interesting thought huh? (:

But nevertheless, although I am scared of the tasks given to me for this Saturday in the CNY programme, I do know that God wouldn't give me something if He knew I couldn't handle it. In the end, I'm not doing it in my own strength anyway, so why SHOULD I be unable to handle it?
"I can do everything through Him who gives me strength" - Phil 4:13.
My prayer and reminder for the week.

Psalm 63 - I've experienced God's lovingkindness. I've experienced His help and His divine hand upholding...yet why do i doubt? I have no reason to yet I do. Why has praise disappeared from my lips. Why is there no spiritual satisfaction. Why is there no more natural radiance in rejoicing God. My heart is troubled O Lord, and my soul thirsts for you. I want to find you.

-------------------------
There is a longing only You can fill
A raging temptest only You can still
My soul is thirsty Lord
To know You as I'm known
Drink from the river
That flows before your throne

Take me deeper
Deeper in love with You
Jesus hold me close in Your embrace
Take me deeper
Deeper than I've ever been before
I just want to love You more and more
How I long to be deeper in love

Sunrise to sunrise
I will seek Your face
Drawn by the Spirit
To the promise of Your grace
My heart has found in You
A hope that will abide
Here in Your presence
Forever satisfied


-------------

Free, I long to be free
I long for the day I'll believe
That all you say you see in me is true
That's hard for me to do
It's hard for me to die to myself
Entrust my life to someone else
So come empty me out
I'm no good without
You inside of me

CHORUS:
Come and fill my heart with hope
Come and fill my life with love
Come and fill my soul with strength to carry on
Because from here the climb is steep, the road is long
Come and fill my days with dreams
Empty me of all the empty things
That I hold onto
Come and fill my heart with you

I need you in my life
Need you like the air that I breath
You've become the very heart of me
And I, I can't believe my eyes
Can't believe the dream that I've found
Lord, your love has turned my world around
So come fill up my heart
'Till I'm like you are
So deep inside of me

CHORUS

Search me, Lord
Try my heart
Come and take me now and make me new
So that all of the world will see you
Overflow in my life

okayokay sorry i know it's been over a week and I haven't updated, I'm sorry, I've been lazy >_>
or somewhat busy, but still lazy. lol.

anyway, what's going on in my mind at the moment is the fact that enoch, tim and I actually got invited to join the YPG Committee just this saturday after cleaning. I mean, there were rumours that there might be a new commitee, and Lei said that it would be possible that I would be in it, but actually being ASKED to be in it...is a whole differrent ball game.

Like seriously, it's such a privelege to be able to be part of the committee. It's a scary, yet at the same time very exciting privelege to have. I'm no longer just a YPG attender, and I'm no longer sitting there with a dead faith like I was only months ago. I remember when I attended youth camp last year, I saw people serving in ways I've never seen before, and I could only imagine, and see how far I was from being anywhere close to serving God, but now to be able to be where others were when I looked up at them with my eyes months ago to me is such a privelege. It confirms my growth in faith, and assures me of God's ability to turn lives around.

Well YPG starts next week. I'm very excited for this wonderful year ahead.
and yes, I do dare to say that I lack wisdom, and will DEFINITELY need it if I plan to serve the Lord this year - so I shall ask. (: